my final words before the truth

I'm trying to sleep as usual.
I'm only worried about something.

You know. When i retain in 2006, it was rather painful for me. It's not because of the fact that i retained. It's because the teacher lied to me. I remember that during one of the last weeks of school, we had an outing to some park. Before the outing started, my 2006 form teacher, Mr Low Wai Hoong, said that i will be promoted to Sec 4. So yeah, i enjoyed myself for 3 days, happily informing my mum of the good news. Then during that outing, my buddy form and retired, Mrs Lin, place her over my shoulders and said that i'm gonna retain.

So you know what the shit in there. Firstly, i got 3 days of happiness. Lastly, i got informed suddenly that i retained. I do not know how people could even feel calm after this. As usual, i punched the wall until one of my finger bones cracked, probably the fourth finger. I was then demoralized completely, and swore to myself during that time, never to trust any teachers.

So year 2007 started and around mid-year, Miss Pang came into our lives. I see her as kind and gentle. The reason why i kept bugging her, wanting to know my outcome for Sec 4, so that i won't hate her. I wanted an honest answer. I don't want to hate Miss Pang, or any other teacher, because i understand that being a teacher is no easy job, it's more of sacrificial.

So if the answer is really correct that i'll promote, i'll thank all the teachers greatly.
If i retain, i would try to appeal. If it's of no use, my mum suggested me to quit school instead. Because she's rather old already, she's going to be 60 soon. She cannot be taking care of me all the way till NS. I started working already, so that my mum wouldn't have to work too hard. My dad is in Malaysia, and he couldn't come back to Singapore for a reason. I trying my best, learning to cook my own food, wash my clothes, iron my clothes, just in case my maid is not around anymore. Sooner or later, she'll have to return to her country, and i'll be left all alone with my mum.

I don't understand why my life is like this. I'm so envious of people with siblings, both the mum and dad together. I hope you, the reader, know me a bit better. And yeah, after i head for NS, who's gonna take care of my mum? My dad? No way. My cousins? Maybe. I'm just so worried for my life, i just couldn't tell what's my future. Everytime i see my dad, i just couldn't shed any tears. The first time i saw him, was after 7-8 years. I just couldn't even recognize him.

I've really woken up. I really need to promote into Sec 4. My life, my future is at stake. I swear to myself that i'll revise everyday, just for the N and O level certificates. My mum, same as me, couldn't sleep well. I can't afford my mum to suffer another blow, like last year. Please! If there's any teacher reading, i really need the promotion. I just can't afford to retain. If i ever retain, i'm so gonna beg Mr Giam for me to promote, even if it takes hours, days or months.

I've learnt my lesson. I swore to myself, and this time is true, i'm gonna study like mad and score aces in N and O levels. This is my final say and i'm gonna abide it. I'm gonna be the top designer, and earn lots of money for my mum to enjoy for her retirement. My mum's the best, and she's really the best mum you could ever ask for.

So, till the day when i'll find out the truth, i'll be crossing my fingers, hoping to be able to promote. And finally, thanks to all my friends for motivating me while my spirits were down. I really love you guys and appreciated it. You guys are the best, the best kind of friends any human could ask for. Once again, thanks.

And thanks you, for reading my blog.
May God bless you!