September 24, 2008

Worst day.

Good evening blog.

You know what. I just had the worst day of my life. It's kinda like multiple problems stacking up on each other, and just toppling all over. I'm bottling up my fears to let it out on a perfect day, but I didn't expect it to be today. Suying's death.. My health problems.. My family problems.. My studies, it just feels so heavy. And just right, a pencil case came flying straight into my penis, and fuck, it was the limit. I just broke down, not caring about other people's thoughts. Somehow, crying seem to be the best way to let out stress. I don't really care about people calling me a crybaby. I don't need pride, all I need to be is to be genuine and true to myself.

During recess, some guy even have the cheek to say her name in front of me. Seriously, haven't I suffered enough? Her loss was already bringing me down to my lowest, and I have to get even lower? Ever since her death, I have cried buckets, and buckets of water, and I still have to cry even more? Have you guys ever experienced losing a loved one? It's so painful, you wish that you could just commit suicide to ease the pain. And she's the only friend I had who recognizes my inner self, not caring about my physical appearances. She's the only one who loves me for whoever I am. This is what love is all about.. Our love knows no boundaries. So please.. For the final time, I wish that everyone can respect me by refraining from using her name. Respect me and I'll return the respect to you.

After I chased someone around just when CD is starting, I felt a pain in my belly. Which made me weak and vulnerable. Guys.. Please give my belly a break. Do you really want me to die of internal bleeding then you guys will be satisfied? I already recovered during July, no internal bleeding anymore. The problem came back when my belly got rammed.. Till now, the smell and the pain is unbearable. A surgery is needed to make a full cure of this problem, but I haven't met the surgeon yet, maybe after the N levels. So please.. Please leave my belly alone. You can punch, kick and smash my arms, legs, neck or head for all I care, but not my belly..

Sorry for creating a commotion in class.. I'm just really stressed.

And the counselor really helped me a lot. Thanks!

For now.. Can we make the best of our remaining days in school? I'm heading into ITE, no matter what result I have. I just feel that I'm more suited there than having to start revising all over again. It's still a dilemma, but hopefully I'll make the right choice.

Till then..
Thanks for visiting and may God bless you.

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