Bad, bad, bad.

Good evening y'all.

Once again, my belly bled again. I don't know why, but it's affecting my whole body. I can't describe the feeling, but it just feels like hell. The smell of it, just irks me. That's why I'm getting away from people, so that they won't feel irritated by the smell. I'm gonna feel like an outcast, once again. Oh well, it can't be helped. I'm one unlucky soul to be infused with this son of a bitch.

School today sucked so bad, I felt like snoozing throughout the day. I was having second thoughts about going into Secondary 5. Lots of things went through, but two in particular. Firstly, I detested the thought of having to do Humanities again in Secondary 5, even if I got promoted, I'm not sure how well I'm gonna do for Humanities in the O levels. Secondly and finally, my friends. I hate to leave my friends in order to move on to ITE. Even though it's only been 1 and a half year we had together, I still feel the bond and closeness with them. Sigh, why let society decide our future? I really don't see a need for Humanities in designing courses, yet I'm forced to study it. Yes, it helps you to make clever rebuttals and clear explanations, but the need for memorizing and so much more, just makes it a really tedious kind of subject.

The first period for today was Mother Tongue.. Boring as shit. The Chinese students were given worksheets for them to do. Some people slept, some people were quietly revising their work and I definitely was revising. I stared around when I was sick of revision, studied my friends' body language and behavior. It's really interesting, because there's so much reactions happening. The atmosphere in class today seems really.. Hmmm, how should I say it.. A clash of emotions and laughter, seems that way though..

The next two periods were Maths. Once again, I'm having the same thought that I had during Mother Tongue. Every single time I stare at an Algebra question, my mind starts race through millions of thoughts. Whether should stare at another Algebra topic in Secondary 5 or just go to ITE. In fact, I heard that ITE isn't a bad school, or rather.. institute. I read about a person's review on the ITE, read about it here. But fuck, my mind's in a dilemma right now. There are so many advantages and disadvantages of both choices, it's so hard to decide.. Oh my goodness.

Then it was Chemistry. It's true that Miss Mah doesn't show any commitment in teaching us already, but there's no reason why we should give Science up. But honestly, there are times that her monotonous voice can make me doze off like a finger snap.

Recess was next. As usual, sat on top of the teacher's console and just watch friends play their card games. I was listening to songs too.. Heh.

D&T was next. Nothing much though. Mun Tat loves to criticise Siraj lately. Haha, that's his retribution for bustering other people! Of course, I always get a share. Mun Tat practically criticised my mum's name throughout the lesson. Sigh, I wanted to take it lightly, but.. he's a good guy actually. I hate it when a particular guy laughs at you, he feels awesome, but if he gets laughed at, he doesn't feel good and switched to emo mode. So much for the lack of compassion and respect huh.. Being a Gessian is nuts, not everyone could possess the school values, what's the point of even placing the banners there. Even if you possess at least half or more of them, it's not like people are gonna recognise you for your efforts. Like they always say, the good will be rewarded.. Honestly speaking, I could understand why there are more defiant, rude and badass people out there than good ones. Need I say more?

After school, I went to the canteen to have my lunch. Suddenly, Chungaik came from behind and scared the shit outta me. And then came Hock Zheng and Boon Keat. Well, apparently, they are heading home and they are waiting for me. Haha, feel so "touched" everywhere (John's dirty thoughts). Boon Keat headed to the west side gate, while I walked with the rest to the other side gate. Exchanged good-byes and I headed for Justin's house for tutoring.

Damn, I was tempted once again by Rock Band 2 in Justin's house, but nevermind, school work comes first. After around 5 pm, I finally finished my tuition. Went to his gym to punch. I was feeling really stressed, and could not stop punching. My hand hurts right now, but it's part and parcel of boxing. Well, at least, I let out a lot of steam and felt awesome again. Went back home soon after.

Nowadays, I'm hiding my personal feelings. Dare not say it out to anybody. I guess I'm gonna do this for a few more years.. Can't understand why people say that a year is short. I always feel
that a year is TOO LONG, and many things could happen then. Sigh, once, a good friend of mine, by the name of Rachel, told me that what's the point of caring when you do not get cared. Yeah, it's pretty true, but I don't know why. I just want to care, and care, and care even till the day I die. I guess that's a special trait of me. But most people I see doesn't like to receive my care, most probably because I'm a bad-looking person, with a huge flabby stomach and fats everywhere. So much for that, I'm just a sucker for appearances and love. But fuck, I'm still living and that is all that matters.. Is it?

Well.. That pretty much sums up my post for today.
Still thinking whether it's ITE or Secondary 5 for me. Gonna try my best for N levels though..

Oh and I think I wrote the most shit for today. Sorry for the huge walls of texts! T_T

And here are the lyrics for my blog song.

Matchbox Twenty - Unwell

Lyrics:

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind

[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away

[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be (a little unwell)
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell

~

Thanks for visiting and may God bless you!