September 26, 2008

Well.. There's 2 days left.

Good evening y'all.

Awww.. I'm having a cold.
Yeah, today morning was like.. some rain storm or something. I assumed that it would be some typical rain. But I didn't expect it to be that heavy! Practically everyone in 4D that came today got drenched all over, a few lucky ones didn't get drenched as much. We were allowed to air our shoes and be barefooted. Somehow, it seemed like a present from heaven. Man, being barefooted is kinda luxurious in a weird way. Even the school is giving us luxury, extra clothes, towels and some others that I did not catch. Whatever it is, today is kinda memorable. HAHA!

Well.. There isn't nothing special today. I'm just doing self-study most of the time.

Haha, don't call me emo or anything. This is me. I'm alone most of the time.

My mother had to work from day to night, working her butt off. Everytime I reached home, I go into my room and just do my usual stuffs. I did so much things alone, like solitaire, watching people downstairs, staring at clouds and yeah, just a boring yet simple life. At school, it's hard adapting to my friends, because most of them speaks Chinese, and I'm better at English than Chinese, so pretty much of the time, I'll mind my own business and just stare into blank spaces. This is what you would call a language barrier. It's not my fault that my Chinese isn't on par with my friends, I even tried to improve it.

My state of lonliness, called solitude, first happened when I was in Primary school. It was an all boys school. I wasn't the kind of dream boy, handsome guy or something. I was fat, tall and everyone just seems to depise me because of that. I remembered all the bad things that happened. I had no good friends, I have friends, but time in time, they backstabbed me and I was lonely for 2 years (Primary 5 and 6). I punched the wall, to get tougher and so that I could fight them when I was picked on. That's the reason why I'm quite a violent guy. But I use my fists to protect people and myself. When I was in Primary 5, I suffered punches to my arms and back for almost a year. I could not fight back, because it was like 2-4 people sparring on me. That's another reason, why I don't feel pain when I got whacked on the arms or the back. It's more like.. used to it or immune to it already. I was the only one of the few who went to Normal (Academic) after the PSLE. I was being laughed at, parents of other children staring at me, telling their children to forget me as a friend. That's where, my 6 years old Primary education ended. Those were the worst years I ever had.

Just when you're wondering, yeah, I got my first blog address from this incident. If you want to visit it, please do. Click here. Honestly, it's not chronologically reliable, because I really have a bad memory. At least, I tried. =]

I entered Gan Eng Seng School. Thinking that I'll start a new life, and be happy all the way. Secondary 1 was good, I had the most fun then and everyone was so cheerful. I really missed those times. All good things come to an end, at Secondary 2. It was mild, the changes were clearly visible. Till the day I retained, life wasn't going as what I wished. I entered 3D then, everyone was so friendly, and I really loved the warmth. But.. again, all good things come to an end, and day by day, it just gets worse.. Right now, my class isn't a whole already, it's split up into parts. For me, I'm just a standalone, wishing for the impossible, sweeping the class, lying to myself. Everytime I see friends fighting, it just hurts me. Once there was good friends, and now, just despicable. If I had a choice, I rather stay on as a Secondary 1 kid for the rest of my life. Those were the best memories, seriously.. Till now, I'm still a loner, but mildly happy.

I always head home, alone. In the bus, I'll just stick myself to a seat for an hour, until I reached my home. I have no close friends living next to me, so I have no company at all. I hate taking the MRT because of the seats are taken up most of the time and I had to stand. I hate standing, man.. Buses have scenery, stare at different kinds of people everyday and frequently, a good air-conditioner. Haha, don't blame me for being this. I'm a boring person, and a simple one. No doubt, my life's been filled with solitude and lonliness but at least, I find ways to entertain myself and still be happy.

I'm just hoping to find a friend, who is same as me. Maybe in the future? I don't know.. But, if he/she really exists, he/she would definitely be my best friend. Hoping to find you, one day..

Well.. It's getting late. Not gonna sleep yet. Gonna try and study Maths and Chemistry for awhile. I'm just gonna do my best for the N levels and see how's the outcome like.

2 days left to the N levels. Everyone mug hard for the last 2 days! Good luck!

Thanks for visiting and may God bless you.

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