January 13, 2010


Hey there.

It's been 2 days since the O level results release and so far, I've seen in the newspapers that 2009's O level cohort was the best among all these years. It's good news I guess? So, 2009's O level students have set the bar high, and does that mean next year's Polytechnic COP for courses will be lower? I have no idea.. Why am I even thinking of that?

People have been tagging on my tagbox and encouraging me as well. My cousins and old friends from Facebook, likewise. I would like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude.

Thank you very much. I won't give up just yet.

All these years, I never made good decisions. I lost all my friends in Primary school. I lost about 3/4 of my friends before I retained and right now, I don't even want to think about it. It's pretty much on my own now. It makes me think that the word friend, is indeed, only a word. I defined the word, friend, way back. Or maybe I'm a bad person myself?

I hate to abide by this saying. Trust only leads to betrayal. I swore to myself, never to abide by this saying. But somehow, this saying is being dragged into my brain. It's so painful, it hurts.

My birthday's around the corner and I also don't want to think about it. I disappointed my Mother enough with my own actions alone. Realistically speaking, I'm the biggest burden in her life right now. She bought me a handphone, which I don't deserve, but she still insists I have it. For my punishment, on my birthday, I shall punch the wall 19 times, to account for my mistakes. Some of you who didn't know, I punish myself by punching the wall. After my birthday, I shall stand and work hard from there on. If there's a Degree cert for Games Design, I'll try to work for it. It's the least I could do to make my only parent, proud.

I was pretty down the whole day. I sighed repeatedly and couldn't laugh at all. I think I can never smile again. I suffered the whole afternoon, laying on my bed and staring at the ceiling. Me, saying that I'll stand up and make my Mother proud is all talk. I need to push myself, but nobody's there to give a push. My maid's leaving this year, after serving me for 19 years. My Mother's gonna retire as soon as I found a job, enough to pay for bills and more. After I finished ITE, I have to get enlisted for NS and nobody's taking care of my Mother.. Unless I finally meet my life partner.. My girlfriend.. I don't know, sigh. Life's decisions..

I'm gonna be a sole breadwinner soon, with this current situation, wow. John, John, John. You have brought down yourself and your family. You ought to be punished. You have better lessen on gaming and focus on studies.

One last chance.. ITE.
I will take it and work hard.

Peace out.

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